7 In daily life/ who am I

Midlife crisis vol.1 – Done and dusted

In case you missed my birthday post, I turned 39 at the end of April.

For several months before that date I was seriously struggling with what I think was nothing but a good old fashioned midlife crisis – constant panicking/anxiety (more than usual :), a massive case of FOMO (fear of missing out), feeling completely invisible and insignificant, seeing only wrinkles when I looked in the mirror, constantly doing something I always tell others not to do in any situation – comparing myself to somebody else. In this case, comparing myself to everyone younger than me.

The inner turmoil was something serious. At any point in time I either wanted to run away to a tropical island, get a new tattoo (or 5), quit this blog and all social media, get a face lift, or a boob job, or a divorce (seriously, there were moments…)

Thankfully I did none of those things and then one day after the birthday had come and gone, I all of a sudden felt calm.

Nothing specific or significant happened, the crisis just left. Poof. Just like that.

It hit me that my 39 years are not my burden or my baggage, they are actually my huge humongous chest of treasure.

I have done a lot in those years, I have lived in several countries, starting with swapping ex Soviet Union for the USA at the age of 17 – talk about a culture shock of all culture shocks.

I have met a LOT of amazing people from all over the world that I can now and forever call my friends.

I have been pregnant three times, I have given birth twice, I have lost and I have gained, I have been through PND more than once.

I have been married for almost 15 years. We run, ride, climb, swim and Crossfit together. And some of it separately as well as everyone needs to be their own person (which makes me think I should give up this online name of “MrsB” – ?).

Considering that no adult actually knows what exactly they’re doing and everyone’s just winging it the best they can – we’re winging this adulthood thing like the best of them.

And now that my days are ticking towards the big 4-0, I have no FOMO, I have no bucket-list, I have no 40-Things-to-Do-Before-40 list. I keep thinking I SHOULD do something BIG for my 40th but I can’t think of anything!

Life as it is right here, right now is as good as it gets.

Who knows whether another wave of midlife crisis will hit me in the future, but if it does, I’ll ride it out like I’ve done with any other storm that’s hit me before. It’ll be choppy and scary at times, but every storm comes to an end at some point.

THAT is the kind of wisdom you gain once you reach my age! 🙂

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  • Reply
    Katie G
    June 13, 2015 at 6:34 am

    As ever, this is such a good post. Its wonderful that we have this blogging world that enables us to share that we are not alone, I have considered boob jobs, more facials every time I see a bloody winkle, defo considered quitting the blog & when my fella and I were renovating our home….? Oh..my goodness…I was not even sure I could handle him any more! I could see this as all rather worrying as I’ve only just hit 30 or..just another bump in the journey that we call life! You’ve achieved more than most people, keep on rocking because even if it doesn’t always feel like it, keep in mind you are doing brilliantly..(or just look at those handsome boys you brought into the world) 🙂 x

    • Reply
      June 15, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Renovating – 😐 We went through it a couple of years ago and combined with a very stressful period for the Mr at work (I hardly saw him and when I saw him we argued about tiles and paint, etc.), it did almost break us. Whew, I’m glad the house is done and there’s only the garden to do. I’m happy to let MrB drive that project as his plans include a great space for our rig 😀

  • Reply
    Anna @AnnaTheApple
    June 11, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    I think having a midlife crisis is (sort of) a good thing? It can make you question what you just go along with, re-ignite past dreams and make you reevaluate life. Sounds like you’ve got things nicely going on though 🙂

  • Reply
    June 10, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Reading this like I have written it myself 🙂 Had all those feelings after my 40th birthday and I was unhappy for a year or more, when I suddenly realized that only I can change something and there is no point to hope that people around me have to change to make me happy. I just started to concentrate on things, what made me happy and everything else just fell on the place bit by bit. ….And you are still younger compared to me :)…. and lots of other people …and you definitely stronger and fitter than most of women their 30s and 40s I know 🙂

    • Reply
      June 15, 2015 at 10:40 am

      It’s really sad actually that so many people get to 30 and 40 and just give up on fitness… that so many people think it’s normal at this age already to have constant aches and pains, and to not be able to bend over properly or run to catch the bus. Why do people accept a whole lifetime of not being fully mobile and fit, I don’t get…

  • Reply
    June 9, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Sounds like a great place to be, I’m struggling with being happy where I am at the moment. I need to have a good long think!

    • Reply
      June 15, 2015 at 10:41 am

      You are so young, you have plenty of opportunities to assess where you’re at and make changes in your life if necessary. That said, people should make changes in their lives when necessary regardless of their age 🙂

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