I don’t know how to start this in a deep and meaningful way so I’m just going to jump in (NOT, by the way, the method I use for getting into cold water ;).
I’ve started to run a bit more again and signed up for a marathon after a 3-year marathon break because of the CrossFit Open in March.
CrossFit is so, SO much fun and I will be doing it until I’m 100 but it can be so darn competitive. Even when you THINK you just do it for the laughs and for the fun of it, it’s hard to not get sucked into comparing yourself to others, not to mention your own performance all the time. Admittedly that is actually the way one gets better at something, but in the CrossFit world I’m old and I find that the young ones have much more time to put into it, and for them CrossFit is a much huger part of their life than it is for me and I feel a little bit like an outsider just doing my own thing and not chasing massive PBs all the time…
So I didn’t do amazingly in the Open and after that have just felt like a bit of a shit CrossFitter… I know, woe is me, I’m only the 59th fittest 40-44 year old in England compared to being 26th last year. It’s totally trivial but combined with other things about the Open workouts, I’m just feeling the way I do right now. It is what it is. Feelings come and feelings go. Let me just ride this one out…
The thing is that as much as I love CrossFit, I want to do other things too – I want to run and swim and bike and rock climb. I think everything in life comes and goes in waves and I’m sure that at some point in the future I will focus more on CrossFit again but right now I’m not.
I think it’s ok to change your mind when it comes to your hobbies though. It’s totally possible to try to do your best in whatever way you are training but also acknowledging that you move that way first and foremost just because it makes you feel good and you enjoy it. You don’t HAVE TO sacrifice everything else and aim to be some kind of a world champion.
If it sounds like I’m being a bit depressing and too self-critical, it’s not actually how I feel. I’m actually very happy to just be average in a lot of things I do. I used to be totally crap at most of these things – I never thought I could run, I couldn’t swim, I could not do pull ups or lift a 100kg of the ground. Now I can do all of these things and it feels great and just plodding along at my own slow pace is ok for me.
For right now.
I have a few days off work this week and I started to feel that maybe I should/could lift more, run more, lift more… but I don’t want to! I want to just run a bit and swim a bit and rest of the time just hang out with my boys and enjoy the sun.