9 In bouldering/ daily life/ mental health/ who am I

When the life is busy, the brain is busy and cannot form long sentences

Bouldering legs

My big child is turning 13 tomorrow. His party was yesterday and it was nicely low-key for a change.

He’s finishing up his art portfolio for an interview at his future high school next Thursday. He works at the speed of a geriatric turtle. His attention to detail is great but my anxiety cannot handle that speed. I need this interview to be over.

A work project has hit top speed and is making me dream of sprints and tasks and tickets and deadlines.

My general work environment continues to be a bit highly charged due to youknowwhat (aka Brexit).

We’ve had house guests for the past 4 weeks.

I ran a lot in 2017 and kept up 40km a week mileage for January but it robbed me from some other activities and it’s made my left foot sore.

Boo. I won’t call it an injury. I don’t ‘do injuries’. It’s just a sore foot that actually only really hurts when walking but not when I’m running.

Anyway, time will heal.

I’m back to running less and going rock climbing on Sundays again.

I don’t actually NEED to run a lot.

And nobody actually cares* how fast or how far run.

I just need to run exactly how much I feel like running and just how fast I feel like running.

*in a positive way, meaning – I’m not a lesser of a person if I run less or slower.

My therapist says everything I’m describing to her is just life.

So I’m struggling with ‘just life’.

I got tired of feeling all jittery though as if I have a job interview coming up.

I got tired of continuously calm-talking to my own brain like it’s a toddler. “It’s ok. You’re ok. See? Look around? Everything’s ok. Everyone’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

So I’m back on Citalopram as of last week.

I just need a break from this overthinking brain of mine for a little bit.

Even though it’s ‘just life’.

I don’t care.

It’s my life and I’m tired.

And so at the moment I’m feeling like there’s light at the end of this tunnel/winter.

I’m reading a lot, both fiction to let my brain wander off to other worlds, and non-fiction to make me think about new things/concepts/ideas.

I’m eating cake if I want to. I’ve learned that it’s not dairy or sugar or gluten that makes me bloated. Most of the time it’s just eating way too much. Shoving a huge serving of vegetables down because it’s the “right thing to do” but then not really being emotionally satisfied I end up eating more stuff on top of it.

Now I try to stop and think whether I actually want to eat a gigantic cold salad OR whether a smaller soup or a tuna salad sandwich would actually be more satisfying.

I’m watching a lot of the Winter Olympics.

I loved the Greatest Showman.

And now I’m off to wrap my big kid’s presents for tomorrow and then I’ll either have a nap or do some clean & jerks in the back yard. Whichever I feel like doing when the time comes to it πŸ˜‰

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    Sharon
    March 27, 2018 at 6:18 am

    I don’t know if I would want to be 10 again. Not sure I would survive through it all today, so much is changed.

    But then “it’s just life”

    Great blog, good read, thank you

    Cheers Sharon…

  • Reply
    Raymond
    February 26, 2018 at 2:17 am

    I love your blog! especially you style of writing. Keep on rocking!

  • Reply
    BySarahMostly
    February 19, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    There’s no ‘just’ about it life can be a hard slog. Even just the ordinary every day kind of life. That’s what always trips me up too. I think we can be far too tough on ourselves x

    • Reply
      Lina β€’ Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:11 am

      Parenting and adulting is just so tiring sometimes. And I don’t know if having toddlers was actually easier (it feels that way) or whether I’m more tired now because I’m older. I’m definitely looking forward to retirement πŸ™‚

      • Reply
        BySarahMostly
        February 21, 2018 at 2:06 pm

        Being mentally tired with older kids is so much harder than being physically tired with younger kids I completely agree! Or maybe it is just us getting old?!

  • Reply
    Liina
    February 18, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    I love your blog, so much I can relate to πŸ™‚ Same here, I understand I do not need to run a lot or fast, but I do. Love crossfit kind of workouts. I understastand eating a ton of vegetables, but wanting a sandwich or cake instead. Or on top of it. But I eat my vegetables, as it is right (and actually I love them too). And same with brain tricks and toughts, although I’m still remaining alone in this fight with no medicaments, but have thought about it more than million times πŸ™‚

    • Reply
      Lina β€’ Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:15 am

      It’s good to hear when somebody says they can relate. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one struggling with adulting and feeling tired from just everyday things…

  • Reply
    Juliana McGrath
    February 18, 2018 at 9:06 pm

    Good to hear from you again. I often struggle with β€˜just life’ too

    • Reply
      Lina β€’ Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:16 am

      When I was a kid I thought adults had it easy with no school but now I wish I were 10 again!

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