9 In bouldering/ daily life/ mental health/ who am I

When the life is busy, the brain is busy and cannot form long sentences

My big child is turning 13 tomorrow. His party was yesterday and it was nicely low-key for a change.

He’s finishing up his art portfolio for an interview at his future high school next Thursday. He works at the speed of a geriatric turtle. His attention to detail is great but my anxiety cannot handle that speed. I need this interview to be over.

A work project has hit top speed and is making me dream of sprints and tasks and tickets and deadlines.

My general work environment continues to be a bit highly charged due to youknowwhat (aka Brexit).

We’ve had house guests for the past 4 weeks.

I ran a lot in 2017 and kept up 40km a week mileage for January but it robbed me from some other activities and it’s made my left foot sore.

Boo. I won’t call it an injury. I don’t ‘do injuries’. It’s just a sore foot that actually only really hurts when walking but not when I’m running.

Anyway, time will heal.

I’m back to running less and going rock climbing on Sundays again.

I don’t actually NEED to run a lot.

And nobody actually cares* how fast or how far run.

I just need to run exactly how much I feel like running and just how fast I feel like running.

*in a positive way, meaning – I’m not a lesser of a person if I run less or slower.

My therapist says everything I’m describing to her is just life.

So I’m struggling with ‘just life’.

I got tired of feeling all jittery though as if I have a job interview coming up.

I got tired of continuously calm-talking to my own brain like it’s a toddler. “It’s ok. You’re ok. See? Look around? Everything’s ok. Everyone’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

So I’m back on Citalopram as of last week.

I just need a break from this overthinking brain of mine for a little bit.

Even though it’s ‘just life’.

I don’t care.

It’s my life and I’m tired.

And so at the moment I’m feeling like there’s light at the end of this tunnel/winter.

I’m reading a lot, both fiction to let my brain wander off to other worlds, and non-fiction to make me think about new things/concepts/ideas.

I’m eating cake if I want to. I’ve learned that it’s not dairy or sugar or gluten that makes me bloated. Most of the time it’s just eating way too much. Shoving a huge serving of vegetables down because it’s the “right thing to do” but then not really being emotionally satisfied I end up eating more stuff on top of it.

Now I try to stop and think whether I actually want to eat a gigantic cold salad OR whether a smaller soup or a tuna salad sandwich would actually be more satisfying.

I’m watching a lot of the Winter Olympics.

I loved the Greatest Showman.

And now I’m off to wrap my big kid’s presents for tomorrow and then I’ll either have a nap or do some clean & jerks in the back yard. Whichever I feel like doing when the time comes to it 😉

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    Sharon
    March 27, 2018 at 6:18 am

    I don’t know if I would want to be 10 again. Not sure I would survive through it all today, so much is changed.

    But then “it’s just life”

    Great blog, good read, thank you

    Cheers Sharon…

  • Reply
    Raymond
    February 26, 2018 at 2:17 am

    I love your blog! especially you style of writing. Keep on rocking!

  • Reply
    BySarahMostly
    February 19, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    There’s no ‘just’ about it life can be a hard slog. Even just the ordinary every day kind of life. That’s what always trips me up too. I think we can be far too tough on ourselves x

    • Reply
      Lina • Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:11 am

      Parenting and adulting is just so tiring sometimes. And I don’t know if having toddlers was actually easier (it feels that way) or whether I’m more tired now because I’m older. I’m definitely looking forward to retirement 🙂

      • Reply
        BySarahMostly
        February 21, 2018 at 2:06 pm

        Being mentally tired with older kids is so much harder than being physically tired with younger kids I completely agree! Or maybe it is just us getting old?!

  • Reply
    Liina
    February 18, 2018 at 9:08 pm

    I love your blog, so much I can relate to 🙂 Same here, I understand I do not need to run a lot or fast, but I do. Love crossfit kind of workouts. I understastand eating a ton of vegetables, but wanting a sandwich or cake instead. Or on top of it. But I eat my vegetables, as it is right (and actually I love them too). And same with brain tricks and toughts, although I’m still remaining alone in this fight with no medicaments, but have thought about it more than million times 🙂

    • Reply
      Lina • Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:15 am

      It’s good to hear when somebody says they can relate. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one struggling with adulting and feeling tired from just everyday things…

  • Reply
    Juliana McGrath
    February 18, 2018 at 9:06 pm

    Good to hear from you again. I often struggle with ‘just life’ too

    • Reply
      Lina • Mind over Matter
      February 21, 2018 at 10:16 am

      When I was a kid I thought adults had it easy with no school but now I wish I were 10 again!

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