When the life is busy, the brain is busy and cannot form long sentences

My big child is turning 13 tomorrow. His party was yesterday and it was nicely low-key for a change.

He’s finishing up his art portfolio for an interview at his future high school next Thursday. He works at the speed of a geriatric turtle. His attention to detail is great but my anxiety cannot handle that speed. I need this interview to be over.

A work project has hit top speed and is making me dream of sprints and tasks and tickets and deadlines.

My general work environment continues to be a bit highly charged due to youknowwhat (aka Brexit).

We’ve had house guests for the past 4 weeks.

I ran a lot in 2017 and kept up 40km a week mileage for January but it robbed me from some other activities and it’s made my left foot sore.

Boo. I won’t call it an injury. I don’t ‘do injuries’. It’s just a sore foot that actually only really hurts when walking but not when I’m running.

Anyway, time will heal.

I’m back to running less and going rock climbing on Sundays again.

I don’t actually NEED to run a lot.

And nobody actually cares* how fast or how far run.

I just need to run exactly how much I feel like running and just how fast I feel like running.

*in a positive way, meaning – I’m not a lesser of a person if I run less or slower.

My therapist says everything I’m describing to her is just life.

So I’m struggling with ‘just life’.

I got tired of feeling all jittery though as if I have a job interview coming up.

I got tired of continuously calm-talking to my own brain like it’s a toddler. “It’s ok. You’re ok. See? Look around? Everything’s ok. Everyone’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

So I’m back on Citalopram as of last week.

I just need a break from this overthinking brain of mine for a little bit.

Even though it’s ‘just life’.

I don’t care.

It’s my life and I’m tired.

And so at the moment I’m feeling like there’s light at the end of this tunnel/winter.

I’m reading a lot, both fiction to let my brain wander off to other worlds, and non-fiction to make me think about new things/concepts/ideas.

I’m eating cake if I want to. I’ve learned that it’s not dairy or sugar or gluten that makes me bloated. Most of the time it’s just eating way too much. Shoving a huge serving of vegetables down because it’s the “right thing to do” but then not really being emotionally satisfied I end up eating more stuff on top of it.

Now I try to stop and think whether I actually want to eat a gigantic cold salad OR whether a smaller soup or a tuna salad sandwich would actually be more satisfying.

I’m watching a lot of the Winter Olympics.

I loved the Greatest Showman.

And now I’m off to wrap my big kid’s presents for tomorrow and then I’ll either have a nap or do some clean & jerks in the back yard. Whichever I feel like doing when the time comes to it 😉