I started a blog called Mind over Matter in January 2013 after 7 years of mummy blogging. Mind over Matter was all about dealing with PND and by not just writing about what a rollercoaster life parenting is, but writing about what interests ME as a person and what makes my heart thump in a happy way.
A year before I had started running, in 2013 I found Crossfit, shortly afterwards I started rock climbing with all my boys and sometime in 2014 I learned to swim.
It turned out that getting sweaty is my happiness, but I’ve found out during the last several years that even daily exercise endorphins & watching what I eat does not keep my brain consistently happy.
I’m still to this day riding the rollercoaster of Anxiety & Other Fun Stuff.
I’m affected by winter & my cycle & my kids throwing tantrums (once in a blue moon). I was affected by having my mother live with us for over a decade. She was hugely helpful when the kids were little but a DECADE of living with your mother is not good for one’s mental health when one’s over the age of 18.
When I started Mind over Matter I really thought that I could exercise and eat my way out of any mental illness struggles that I’ve had on & off since I was 20.
A few years into blogging under that name, I realised though that mental health was not that simple, that things were not that black and white.
I started feeling that Mind OVER Matter implied that I had my shit together. That I didn’t struggle, that I’d just write one inspirational Go Seize The Day & Love Thyself type of blog post after another.
Reality is though that I don’t have my shit together and I don’t even aim to get there one day. Because having your ‘shit together’ is an illusion.
Life is a rollercoaster by nature. A big fucking ocean, sometimes calm & breathtaking, sometimes ferocious & cruel. A road that goes up and a road that goes down.
We all navigate the ups & the downs the best we can. We fail, we triumph, we’re down, we’re on top of the world.
Such is life. Ride it.
And now we come to the new name of my blog – The Mind/Matter Project.
It’s no longer ‘mind over matter’ for me because sometimes the mind wins, sometimes the matter wins. Life is a project, an ongoing process that has no deadline.
Life is a project of continuous evolution & learning to accept myself for who I am, those around me for who they are and life itself for what it is.
The Mind-over-Matter-me thought I had failed when I didn’t feel or act like “mind over matter”.
The Mind/Matter-Project-me is saying I’m ok winging being a human, that I’m learning and will be learning for a long time yet. There will not be a day when I’m finished or done or have it all under control.
I’ve just turned 42. I have a lot of learning to do yet.